i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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