he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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