it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
