If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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