i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
