He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
