so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
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