After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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