in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
