thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
