How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I wish you could order shots online.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize
