She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
