My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
