I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize