but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
