I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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