Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I could fuck to npr.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
