Non-Jews are for practice
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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