There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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