He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
