I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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