yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
