Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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