Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
