The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
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