He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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