How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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