the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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