do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
