I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
