Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Randomize
