i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
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