His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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