New invention idea: vibrating tampons
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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