i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
