The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
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