I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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