did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
