TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
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