I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
This is my gift to your gina
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
