So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
