I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
