Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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