i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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