mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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