i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
