i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
