Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
