Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
