Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
