I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Randomize
