Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
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