you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
