whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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