Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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