there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
We need to rekindle our bromance
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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