I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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