At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
