Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
