you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
