There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
