I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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