Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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