I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize
