i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
