It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize