She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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