also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
