Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
