I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
