who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
