I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
