Buhtt sex?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
