How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
i've created a new STD.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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