Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
