I feel like I'm in dance class right now
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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