Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
