True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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