i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
