you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Boobs speak an international language.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Randomize
