i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
