Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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