i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
