I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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