Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
