I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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