Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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