Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Randomize
