I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize