Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
She said her name was "party"
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
