I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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