ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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