i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
