you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
