where am i from again
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
