I haven't been this sober since birth.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
