I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
