Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
