the new term for farting is butt boxing.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize