I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
