I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
