he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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