Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
